10:00pm November 14, 2011

For all you Drake Fans; Tyson as Cain; O’Reilly NOT Smarter Than a 5th Grader


Drake Sings Romney’s New Campaign Song

Poor Mitt Romney.

No matter what he does he just can’t get any love from Republican primary voters. A CBS poll released before last Saturday’s debates showed Herman Cain in the lead with 18% of the vote – and Romney tied with Newt Gingrich for second with 15% of the vote.

Mind you the survey showed that Herman Cain’s support amongst Republican woman has been cut in half since his sexual harassment allegations, and that 7 in 10 GOP primary voters aren’t sure who they’ll support.  But that can cut both ways. On the one hand it does show that Cain’s support has taken a hit.

At the same time it shows that even after two weeks of allegations and a horrible jumbled response more Republicans would rather have Cain take them to the prom than Romney.

See the problem is that Romney just isn’t cool like Herman Cain.

This last weekend on Meet the Press David Brooks noted that in a recent NBC/Wall Street Journal focus group participants were asked: “What sort of school kid would the candidates be?” They said Rick Perry would be the Bully, Herman Cain would be the popular guy and Romney … he’d be the Rich Kid.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen enough 80’s teen movies to know that the rich pretty boy Billy Zabka guy never wins. He always loses out in the end to the underdog, the badass or nerd with a heart of gold.

So: what’s Mitt Romney to do?

Since he’s not going to be a believable 80’s Daniel-san underdog, he should probably go for a more modern heartthrob to get some of that GOP love. How about a moody, mysterious M.O. Drake kind of high-school guy? GOP voters will love that he’s so conflicted about his faith, his background and wallowing in so much money that he experiences existential ennui. In fact, his campaign slogan should just be “I’m Just Saying You Can Do Better” and he should start singing Marvin’s Room  every time a new poll comes out showing Herman Cain in the lead. The chorus should work on both Cain and Obama if Romney ever gets that far.

Tyson Knocks Out Herman Cain

Speaking of the most popular guy in the Republican race it’s becoming abundantly clear that Herman Cain isn’t just good for raising money and selling books. He’s become a veritable comedy bonanza in the last few weeks. Mike Tyson as Herman Cain singing “Imagine There’s No Pizza”  is probably the best thing he’s done since the first Hangover. And while the Cain Train may be only serving Black Walnut, I think Harassment Chocolate Chip  has a real chance to be the hottest Ben & Jerry’s flavor since Cookie Dough. But in the end what does all of this viral hilarity at the expense of Herman Cain really mean politically?

Honestly, it is a sign that his brand is going to last far beyond this presidential election and that he really may be onto something as a popular culture figure. The famous quote goes: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”. But I’ll put it in more realistic political terms: They don’t make fun of you if you don’t matter.

Just consider this list: Dana Carvey as George Bush, John Lovitz and Michael Dukakis, Phil Hartman as Bill Clinton, Darrell Hammond as Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton, Will Ferrell as George W. Bush Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton and of course Tina Fey (and Lisa Ann) as Sarah Palin. If you are enough of a character in the campaign that celebrities start impersonating you for laughs you’re halfway there to pop culture stardom. As long as the jokes are about Herman Cain as opposed to against him (I personally think Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin impression did more to doom her political career than any of Palin’s own dimwitted movies) he’ll do fine. Rick Santorum would LOVE to get this kind of mockery. At least that would mean someone was paying attention to him.

Is Bill O’Reilly Smarter than a 5th Grader?

I have always had a special place in my heart for Bill O’Reilly. I had my first appearance on national cable news on the O’Reilly Factor and have had several sista friends work for him and regale me with stories of his sexual harassment, volatile temper and overall bullying.

But let’s not fool ourselves: O’Reilly’s behavior is just bad enough that we’ve heard about it.  There are plenty of other show hosts out there who are just as bad. Either way his most recent scandal is just too funny to pass up. Apparently, the prolific writer’s most recent book on Abraham Lincoln is so bad, and so inaccurate, that only the National Park Service has banned the book from being sold at Ford’s Theatre – you know: the place where Lincoln was actually shot and where they sell just about every book ever written about Lincoln.

This is akin to making a movie so bad that Netflix refuses to carry it.

Not that any of this will really matter to the Factor Man himself since the book is #2 on the New York Times best seller list and his fans will buy it almost out of spite against those stuffy old ‘historians’. How dare they tell Bill that his constant references to Lincoln in the Oval Office are inaccurate because … the Oval Office wasn’t built until decades after his death! Mind you many of O’Reilly’s fans are the same people who don’t believe in science and think Obama was born in Kenya, so what do you expect?

Dr. Jason Johnson, Politic365 Chief Political Correspondent, is a professor of Political Science at Hiram College in Ohio and author of the book Political Consultants and Campaigns: One Day to Sell. You can read more at www.drjasonjohnson.com or follow him on Twitter @Drjasonjohnson

About the Author

Jason Johnson
Jason Johnson


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  1. J7ag

    …"What is Bill O'Reilly?" Answer: "A fart in a bubble called a studio."

  2. j7ag

    -"What is Bill O'Reilly?"
    Answer: "A fart in abubble called a studio."

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  5. jason

    Loved the Lisa Ann reference. Nice.

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